my heart feelin like to write something..

this time, im in my room. just fnish tidy my room in hostel. hmm. i dnt know but i feel like to write something here. the story goes like this... i get to know this 1 man in the bed waterfront. while sittin and looking around for a guys to "wiper" my eyes. well,its my habit if im going to club. then,this 1 man caught my eye on him cz he is nice looking. this is what i mumbling in my heart while looking at him. aftr about 1 hour,i smile at him n he respond it! gsh! he is cute! aftr that,his fren approach me and said his fren wanna get to know me. well,sayin hye hye & hye. he asked for my number. i said "nnty i bg in paper" cz i dnt know. that time i was so arrogant! i dnt wanna look cheap in front of this guy. i dnt want the ppl around me sees me givin my number to him. till 1 time,my fucking sister get drunk! & went out from the bed. aftr 5 mins,i was looking for her! this bunch of guys went out to go home,saw me walk around cz i was looking for our car cz i know my sis went to the car. aftr i found her and everything was settled, all of us chi chatting & mget to know each other. all of them are CID (criminal investigation division)!! bukit aman head police station of malaysia! goshhhhhh! i like it sooo much! that guys which i knew is hafiz is soo cute! he has dimple and a very nice teeth & smile! haha. after all,i guess he is okayyy. but aftr few weeks keep in touch with him,he confess that he fall for me & wants o avoid that. how chick he is! memang sial la. but i try so hard to hide what i feel that time and being okay for everything he said & i suggest to less cntact with him. then,starting today we didnt cntact till this friday cz our promises is we will only cntact on friday & once a week. hmmmmmmmm. i know this will be a temporary feeling & i love my only baby boii afaizwan afandi. evendo he is unemployed but he is different from other guys. im thankfull. :) my heart still belong to him & nobody else.

hee. mood mau merepek!

all in malay! malas aku speaking. tunggang terbalik jugk! by the wayy. tgk2 profile junizahh. sheril atikah childs ika yahiya. semua ada baby! bestt! bgmbr sama laki diorg lg. eee. suka btul baaaa tgk semuaa tuuu. ada baby diorg. happy ne tgk. tp nama anak durg ada yg sama. hehe. doesnt matter la yg pnting. aku mau nama anak aku DINDA,BUNGA,CINTA,KASIH buli ka? single name n ada tmbhan tp nnty jak pkir klau sudah ada *morning sickness. :PPPP hahaha. gete mau kawin!! bukan paaaaaa. semua org pun mau kwin. tp nnty2 laa lepas ada krja n kreta. for sure,rmah,laki aku beli! :P kununn. bila la tuu. calon?????? MACAMMMMM ada. :P ntah la. kerja ALLAH. mau taubat luk. byk sdh dosa di buat neh :'( byeeee.
p/s : dia jugak aku rindu kann

love and hate.

i dont know how to describe what exactly i feel right now. but im very sure that only my heart n mind can discover whats on it. i just love.. and hate someone right now. it all happen in 1 time. im hoping for a hope and also faith between us. even though i belong to someone. but it seem like theres a still have another part for him. he is just nobody who i met long time before. im catting with him. while chit chat -ing i can feel that i missed him soo much. i dnt know why. please YA ALLAH,aku rindu dia saat bersamanya. aku rindu dia saat aku ingat dia. kuasa apakah itu? aku mahu pedoman. aku mahu petunjuk. gosh! what makes me turn to be this way? everything goes wrong since i met him last time. him. all i can do is sighhs.

emotional night.

13sept11. i felt really sad tonight. i miss my family in kb. esp my grandma. the person i miss so much is my dad. i think he is not really care about us anymore. i miss the happiness. i miss everything about my family. oh my! im crying. i never wanted to have this kind of family. this year's eid mubarak, we have to sacrifice our time to my family side my mom and my dad. it is unfair. i envy looking at the picture of my dad's family in the album of khas group in fb. i miss them and i fel that i really hate my stepmum! shes the reason why my dad didnt care about us anymore. i hate her! i swear!!!!! dont care how much she try to te nice to us,she still bad in my eyes! i hate her! she take my dad away from us! weel. this is life which u have to choose! yes. LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHOOSE. whatever happens,u must choose 1 things among two. i hope with this kind of situation i will become more matured and i can prepare well for my family in the future. YA ALLAH,please help me and show me the path to live this life following the truth way of islamic life. ;'( all tonight is about family. i missed them so much.

i missed her

i cant hold on anymore. tonight,i missed her soo much. i remembered the moment we spent together. i miss you,jjrf :'( i dnt know why we bcm like this. everytime i see u it feels like i wanna hug u tight and say i wanna be like beforeeeeee. :'(((((( i love u so much. ure so kind and being nice to me. lets forget about all our fucking bad memories. sedihh!!

latest sahaja :)

i dnt wana start this entry with the IP case lately. for the first time in my life and its hurts me. oh! by the wayyy,today is fathers day. wawawa. im crying while wished my papa happy fathers day. actually,its bcz of remembering all the things happened to my family. hurm... i cant dscribe it with words how pain it is. i just can release it with tears. hurm. enuf with it. im wana share todays moment which all the part 4 students go to BUKIT BOTAK and to complete our modul mission. hehe. theme : loyalty and c0-operation. all end up with success. im so thankful. haih. i wana write a lot here but i ve no idea how to describe it. i just tireddddddd. hmmm. ohh! my ex hava gd alreadddyyyy. im happy for him. but a little bit annoying. hahaha. its funny to see the one that i ever loved and ahre many thing now share it with other girls. hahahahha. adoiii :P

is it true?

Perbedaan antara Suka, Sayang, dan Cinta. Suka adalah saat kamu ingin memiliki seseorang. Sayang adalah saat kamu ingin membahagiakan orang itu. Dan Cinta adalah saat kamu akan berkorban. someone post this in fb. by salam abbas king. i think its true. erm.. the reason i copy and paste this (im sorry abbas) plagiarism sikitt! :p its bcz it has a relationship to my story now which i feel 'suka' and 'cinta' towards afai. following to abbas's definition about that philosophy. but, i feel that 'sayang' towards z. im less confuse now. cz ive found out what is actually i felt towards them. im a little bit happy. cz i know and more confident to what i did now. cz actually im afraid of being regret. but,deeply in my heart,i dnt wana hurt anyone especially z. cz i know,i have to let him go. my heart is really fall for afai. evendo he has less specialty comparison to z. huh

discover what is true love..

at this time. i am searching what is true love by defining it by myself and based on my experience :) true love is more than falling in love which u'll love someone more than a love. its like u wiling to sacrifice everything for that person. and it feels like the world is just belong to both of u. im soo confuse about these feelings. z leave me yesterdays aftrnoon. and wana come back to me at night. oh my godd. i dnt know what to say anymoreee im speechless :((

complicated :(

bad and sad thing happen which is sometimes i dont know what to do. what to say and i have to do nothing. triangle love. this is not the first time in my life. but this is first time when ive reached the age that i have to responsible for everything i did. bcz it include ppls feeling. i didnt meant to hurt anyone. i know. ive made a mistakes. ive played with someones feelings without thinking about what gonna be happen in the future. i took a risk to be with z without think that maybe i will fall for afai. this is shit i swear! but faith planned it for me. i love afai so much but it seems like im not willing to lose z. i dnt know. i want sign of my path. i really want it. i need something,maybe an advise to wake me up that i did something wrong here and i'l meet the solution. im so confuse. im sooooo confuse. i dnt know what to doo. i need ALLAH :((

betrayal

when i woke up! i received a msg from my fmly which my mum was betrayed by motherfucker asshole daud! huh.. i wudnt mention what is it here. its too private for me. i know,evendo no one knows about this blog,but actually someone will read this. yes,its u. while i writing this blog its about 130pm and its 300411. :) andddd... its raining! but,i feel warm. huhu. okeyy now. frenship part... myyyyy fren,uly text me to include sery's name to shasha present and i disagree with that bcz i dnt wanna have connection with her anymore. since she told z that she didnt follow us go to manukan island d other day. now,its my turn to take action. whatever. shes just a small matter. it wouldnt bother me. k laa. ive no mood. bye my blog.

finished my 3rd sem examination :)

olaa my blog. while im writing this entry its about 606pm 29411 :) by the way,my last was paper todays morning was eco 162. my repeat paper actually. it seem good but im not so sure. i end my exam with the bestiest i can evendo its actually hard for me specially part c. essays. i didnt read a lot last night which i just focus n graph! and graph question didnt came out at all! i hate it! but i have to accept it. its ok. ALLAH will help those who do something with an effort with it. hurm.. i just get back from z's sis house. we ate and spent time together. he cooked for me. ikan masin + nasi + telur dadar with mayonnise. haha. i love him for doing that. actually i tried so hard to love him fully. but,i guess it may takes time. its not that easy to give my heart fully to someone again. yeah! ive experienced that the " frustrated " before. and its enuf for it and i'l make sure its not gonna be happen again. yeah! people make mistake but not that kind of stupid person when i was with mr ucop. well,im gnna start my enjoyable days started from tomorrow. i have a cupcakes order. my classmate order it for her huwby. ww. that so sweet. haha. k la. got to go. ive no idea what to mumbling about anymore. daa. love love

exam seasonnnn :) wee~

hye my beloved blog. the place where i put what exactly deeply truly in my heart. im takin break while studying ctu subject. im afraid of having migrain or headache so i decided to take 30 mins. haha. well. i have a very critical probs of love life here. but,i dnt wana mix it with my study so i just calm my self n focusing to the only thing is my study. i really wana have a good pointer for this sem. evendo it is hard bcz of the killer subject,FINANCE AND STATISTICS! i try my bestiest i can n do whatever to make it easy n good while exam! actually its becoz i wanna have a great fun aftr exam cz im goin to k.l alone and see my friends there!! it'll be adventurous. like the home alone movie! hahahaha. funny! what am i thinking about! this is real n not movie! argh! im going madddddd. whatever! in few minutes,im goin to continue my study. there 2 past year paper t finish and i can started read all of that. ctu! fortunately,my oga is 3rd highest in my class. im proud of it. evendo the credit hours is just 2! but,im good in my religion thing. :D well,my parents teach me well in this matter :) k laa. see u later. i'l write soon... bye! muah!

erm... about me recently..

it was 18th january. everything ended up just like that. deeply in my heart, its not really bad bcz we were broken and ruined since 4 and almost 5 months ago. time passed by... till i met this "a long time ago guyy" :) the guy that everytime i saw him,i just can say "ada pula dia sini" or " dia pula nie " hhehe. and as soon as i saw him,i'l smileeee to the widest smiling. :) cz he's biggg. very big but sweet. especially when he smile at me. cz im too small when i stand near to him. hahaha. not even reach his shoulder! but nevermindd... its not a problem actualy,just more to useless issue. the story goes like thiss.... i knew him since i was in precommerce. my first impression when i see him is " besarrrrnyaaaaa orang ne" hehe. and aftr that,i smile at him. andd its out of my thought that we wudnt smile at me. cz he is SMILEEEE at me. "muka ganas,skali snyum,sweeeetnyaa " =)then there i felt something that i,myself cant recognise what it is. i felt something in my most precious organ in my body (my heart)

for the first time i viewed his fb in this 5 months. -.-

im sooooooo ANNOYED!! ckp smnnjung?? what the hell! alamakkkk. i cnt blieve what ive just seen just now. 'kowt' 'jer'.?? adoiii. i know u studied there. but,dont be hipocrite,ok? mencemarkan nama SABAH BAHHH. huhu.what everrrr it is i wanna mention here that i feel nothing while viewing his fb. i dnt know whyy. its like something pure+shinny as usual are gone from my heart. really. empty. sorrow. i prayed too much thinking about what i feel now. the new feeling which i forget him sometimes. not exactly. erghh! what am i mumbling about. i dnt know. ive learn many thing on what was happened to me this past few years.. ive goin through many things esp about LOVE. Ive been cheated. scandalous. arhhh. such a shit thing that cud ruin my heart. my self n cud be,my future.

in the early month of 2011 n end of januaryy..

the end of everything was in 1812011. it was teribble. n since that day,i feel down all the time. its like ive nothing. i used to be pampered with him. used to depend on him n i'l share many things to him. im so alone without him. that why this seems like hard for me. this situation is so neww to me.

HIM,

i love u so much. if theres a faith said that we'l be together then i hope this feelin will never fade away. but,if we're not meant to be together then i pray,wish n hope that this strng feeling will lost as soon as posible. i cudnt stand anymore. this is so painful! hurm....

im all alone in my hostel. im far from my friends which im in cluster b. while my friends are in cluster a. im a little bit happy cuz im not too depending to them that i walk to the bustop n went to class alone. i only mingle with my classmate if we have work to do together. thats all. the rest,i spend my time fully on my lappy,hp and studies by myself. :) that what i call indiependent! i love to be in that way. cuz i hate for asking a help from anyone. its not im action but i just dnt wanna take them into trouble. to be continedd...

i just fnish watching korean movie! i enjoyed watched it! ;p ehee. k la. got to goo. :)